Taught Not Told Podcast
Our mission is to teach you everything you need to know and implement so you can be extremely successful on your journey towards health and fitness. I strive to make complex topics and challenging methods stupid simple to understand so YOU can take action with confidence knowing what you're doing will WORK! Please enjoy!
Much Love,
Coach Tyler
Taught Not Told Podcast
EP#30: Jared Hamilton: Dieting From The Inside Out
In this interview, Jared and I go DEEP into the lesser known aspects of health and fitness that are likely the reason you can’t achieve sustainable results…
Unlike most coaches who strictly focus on all the external behaviors and actions necessary to see progress…
Jared is extremely unique in how he coaches, from the INSIDE OUT.
So in this episode we cover things like relationships with food, avoiding self-sabotage, reprogramming your subconscious mind, and inner child work.
What amazes me the most is how Jared is able to communicate these complex topics in such a simple way…
And I know FOR A FACT, you will receive a ton of value from this exclusive episode so find a quiet place, take notes, and enjoy🙏🏼
ALSO:
You can find Jared on Instagram here:
https://www.instagram.com/realjaredhamilton
You can find Jared’s podcast here:
https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/dietingfromtheinsideout
In This Video We Cover:
00:00 - Intro: Who is Jared Hamilton?
06:09 - What is “Dieting From The Inside Out”
11:00 - How to heal your relationship with food
15:07 - Reprogramming your subconscious mind
22:10 - Inner child work for sustainable change
32:22 - How to avoid self-sabotage
42:54 - What’s next for Jared
48:17 - The one skill or habit YOU need…
50:14 - Where to find Jared
🛑👉🏼SUBSCRIBE FOR MORE👈🏼 🛑
P.S. If you’d like my help with mapping out your path to success on your fitness journey, click here to book a FREE strategy session 1-on-1 with me:
https://calendly.com/tntcoaching/strategysession
FOLLOW ME ON INSTAGRAM:
https://www.instagram.com/ty.lerstuder
Also, if you’d like to see what others say about working with us check us out on Yelp:
https://yelp.to/wcgcPgoMRg
Lastly, to find out more about TNT coaching, what we offer, and how we can help, check out our website:
https://betaughtnottold.com
BONUS - CHECK OUT OUR FREE GUIDES:
https://betaughtnottold.com/free-guides
Hope you found this helpful!
Much love,
Coach Tyler🤍
Everyone knows what to do. Everyone knows they should eat better. They should not eat like an asshole. They should move their body more. They should eat like. Everyone knows what to do. But the problem is everything below the surface. It's literally like buying a house and the walls crack and they keep cracking. So you just keep painting over them and plastering them, but the walls keep cracking. It's the foundation that's the problem, and it is always go inward. Your outside world is just a reflection of your inner state.
Speaker 2:What is a healthy approach to overcoming or preventing that self-sabotage from happening over and over and over?
Speaker 1:I really think sabotage is a two-part thing. It's identity and patterns. If you sabotage a lot, we need to look at your identity, because I could give you all the strategies ever, but if you don't change the foundation of who you are and the beliefs you have about yourself, it doesn't matter what strategies and tactics I show you.
Speaker 2:If you could only teach your clients one skill or habit, that would have the single greatest impact on their health and quality of life, what would it be? Welcome back to the Todd Not Told podcast. I'm here with my great friend, jared Hamilton, and I came all the way out to Indiana. Well, for one, for a, but also also to see my friend Jared. And let me tell you, I've been looking forward to interviewing this guy for quite some time Now.
Speaker 2:I've been listening to his podcast, dieting from the inside out, and it's actually one of my favorites when it comes to the mental side of things and, honestly, his coaching has inspired me. And, uh, not only that, but Jared's worked with literally, I believe, thousands of people. He's been doing this a whole lot longer than me and, honestly, I've always wanted to sit down, pick his brain and to share with you guys some of the insight and some of the crazy stuff going on inside of his head. So, before we dive in, I want to know, I want him to share with you a little bit about himself, a little bit about his story. He's got a very unique story from, like how dieting came into his life at a very young age. So, jared, I would love to hear just a little like snippet, maybe like a little spark notes version of like your story and what got you into coaching. Yeah, dude.
Speaker 1:Appreciate you having me on dude. This is a dope studio you have here. This is this is a dope studio you have. Awesome man. I think the plant was actually the sickest thing. That's right, the plant is the gangster anyway. Um, but no.
Speaker 1:So for me, man, coaching it was, it all happened on accident. Every move in my career was, uh, it was not necessarily planned and it was very much an accident. Um, kind of like my birth. Um, but let's go. Um.
Speaker 1:But so what happened was I grew up, uh, the the Cliff notes version version is I grew up struggling with all this stuff myself. I was a fat kid, always um struggle with with weight loss, body image, all that stuff. Um got given a weight, a weight watchers book when I was about 11. So I'm like 11 year olds, 11, 12, trying to count points and cause that's what my family did and I'm just like I don't know and all that stuff. So that's where that shit started for me. And then um, and then basically um did the whole trendy dieting thing for however long, and um, cause I didn't know what I was doing. I was just like carb store fat you shouldn't eat food or eat fruit while you're driving and like that was like an actual thing. I read I'm like that was like an actual thing. I read I'm like you shouldn't eat apples while you drive because it stores fat. So a lot of that nonsense and whatnot. And then when I was about 15, found the gym, found a bunch of meatheads, fell in love with lifting, but then, because it was a bunch of meatheads, it was more diet culture, dogma. It was a lot of the same kind of nonsense. But I got in the gym, started getting around that kind of community, still struggled with my own stuff. And then when it came time to go to college, well, mind you, right before this then I started to get my shit together and finally started to understand all this.
Speaker 1:And then, right around college was when I started coaching people, started as a personal trainer, didn't really do anything with nutrition, only like I was just a trainer, excuse me. And then I built an in-person training business. I was working for like three different gyms and then, while I was building my own thing, and then I ended up building a personal training business and then, um, I became well then after that, then I started to take the business online. Um, and then I became known as the sustainable weight loss guy. Like there was no depth to it, it was just sustainable weight loss. That was my, that was my thing. I just showed people how to eat donuts, drink wine and lose weight, and that was pretty much it.
Speaker 1:But then one thing led to another. And then that's when the inner game stuff started coming into place, where I noticed and this is where it shifted, because at this time I had been running the business for a while, I'd been coaching people for years, I'm already started to like delegate and I had staff and all this stuff. But then it was I noticed a pattern. I go, well, I can't do the weight loss stuff with people, yet People want to come into the program and I'm ready to do the fat loss stuff. But then I'm like, well, fuck, mrs Jones has identity issues and it's causing her to sabotage. So we'll go. Okay, fuck, I know I can't get her to lose weight till I fix that. Okay, let me fix her identity real quick, then I'll get back on track with weight loss. Or I got to fix this stuff first, fix that stuff first and then, okay, we're good with weight loss now, because I knew I couldn't do the weight loss stuff that I wanted to do until I fixed their inner game.
Speaker 1:I never talked about this in my marketing, though, but, mind you, during this whole time about my twenties, I've been into these kinds of books and studying psychology and personal development, all for my own selfish reasons. Just, I wanted to understand how the brain works and human behavior works, and all that. I never thought it would come true in this side of things either, but that's when it kind of started to evolve, is? It wasn't necessarily something I talk about or wanted to even do, but I couldn't do the thing that these people were paying me for, which is to cause a transformation, until I fixed the underlying problems that were going on. And so I would, just because of what I learned in personal development psychology. I'm like cool, I can fix it real quick. A little transformation change their mindset, change their beliefs, change the relationship with themselves. Boom, we're ready for fat loss. And then it realized. I realized I go wow, this is mainstream, everyone struggles with this stuff.
Speaker 1:And right around then is when I transitioned to, and I started using the term dieting from the inside out, because that came out in conversation a lot. That wasn't just like a marketing employee I was. I actually had a mentor of mine was asking me about my business and I go well, we're actually talking about what I say to people. And I go, well, I basically tell them I have to diet you from the inside out before I diet you for real. And they go there's something there, Gold Right. So I stuck with the dieting from the inside out because it's also kind of self-explanatory. But that's my motto is we have to diet from the inside out before we diet for real. So that's kind of the Cliff Notes version.
Speaker 2:That was phenomenal, and so that that actually is one of the things I wanted to touch on and that was like one of the first questions I was thinking about was I love the dieting from the inside out podcast and I know that that's actually one of the first steps you actually take your clients through and I've always been curious of like what that looks like from an actionable perspective, like what does the process look like for dieting from the inside out, the mental game, like what are the main maybe couple things that you are focused on or that you educate around or teach to your clients in that first initial phase?
Speaker 2:Because, number one, selfishly, I believe that this is something I could work on with myself, my clients, because I too have noticed this where, like uh, for coming from like an engineering background in the early days of my college career, everything was like numbers and it was like okay, if you hit this goal with this protein, you hit this number with your calories, like, but there's, there was something missing and it was like that little detail of like the inner game, the self-sabotage like you touched on, and that's always been something that I want to improve on to help my clients level up. And so, um, from that perspective, what? What does the first phase of your program look like from a actionable uh?
Speaker 1:perspective. Yeah, so for context, for those listening, when I work with someone, everything comes down to three stages. Stage one we call dieting from the inside out. Once we check all those boxes, now we can go into stage two. We call it boring fat loss, which is it's just the normal fat loss phase. Stage three we call maintenance mastery, where that's where you actually graduate coaching or you don't, or we teach you how to keep go through life with your newfound results and that kind of thing.
Speaker 1:Now the the dieting from the inside out, though, cause that's a common question I get from participants and they're like okay, how does that even work? Because the first step is is expectations. Number one is it's literally worthless giving you the fat loss results you want if I don't diet you from the inside out. First, one of the most, like one of the biggest questions I ask people I go cool, so if I could just snap my fingers and 50 pounds loses like disappears right now. Genie style, like magic genie from Aladdin, is it? Is it gone for good? And they go, oh well, no, I go okay. Well, that's the problem, because if you just admitted magic genie powers does not take away your weight loss issues, then why are we trying to white knuckle through weight loss right now? Right, if I could literally go boof, it's gone. All the weight that you're trying to lose is gone. It's not staying off. Okay, then we got to, we got.
Speaker 1:Well, then, why? Oh, your relationship with food is bad, causing you to binge eat. Oh, you self-sabotage unconsciously so you fall off every weekend. Oh, you're binge eat every other day because you have a bad day at work and you don't know how to regulate your emotions separately from food. The list goes on. So. So for me, those are all the things, because if you can't say I, yes, it would, it would stay off forever. Then we got groundwork to do and I would go so far to say if you say yes, it will stay off forever, then I go. Then why is it not off right now? And they go, oh, I don't know. And that's usually. There's something else under the surface we're not seeing.
Speaker 1:So this is why, in my head, this is where it's really nuanced, because everyone's dieting from the inside out journey isn't the same. Everyone's issues are different. Um, just like with building a house, everyone's found it. Depending on what kind of house you have, everyone's foundation is going to be different, but you have to have it. We all can agree on that.
Speaker 1:So, for me, um, I almost have a checklist in my head, like, of all these issues that I talk about, like your relationship with food, your relationship with yourself, binge eating, emotionally and sabotaging, knowing what to do but not doing it. Consistent, all these things. We just have to have checkboxes. But I'm such a from a simplicity side, I'm such a checkbox guy, right. So if we can check all these boxes, then cool, we can move on to the next level. But if you can't say, yes, my relationship with food is fantastic, no, I don't binge eat anymore, I don't sabotage anymore, I know what to all these deeper things, then we're good. Now you can go into the boring fat loss phase.
Speaker 1:But, as far as, like the getting a little bit more tactical around, like, what do I start someone with? It's the, uh, it's what has the greatest ROI and what has the least amount of friction. What's the main, the biggest problem right now? So, for example, um, for most people, it's it's what's going to have the greatest impact right now, cause if someone has what I call a combo platter, they have all the things. Well, what's the most prevalent right now, cause most people get caught up in well, what do I start with? Where do I go?
Speaker 1:At this point, it doesn't matter. Pick one, like, put them all on a wall and throw a dart and see which it hits, it doesn't really matter, cause we're gonna have to get through them all anyway. You know, if, like, I bring in first, it doesn't matter, they all got to come in here. So if you have these seven issues causing all your problems, what should I start with? Like, you got to get through them all, it doesn't really matter. The only time that the caveat is well, what's the problem right now? So, so for most people it's their relationship with food, because their relationship with food causes binge eating, it causes overwhelm around food, it makes date night a living nightmare. So a lot of times that's one of the first spots. But some people it may be identity, because our subconscious actions are always in alignment with who we think we are. So it just depends on who the person is. But there's literally like a checkbox list in my head of all these inner game issues and we just start going down the list and that's it.
Speaker 2:That's phenomenal. And so one of the like big buzzwords I feel like is being becoming more popular, it's been being used and thrown around like crazy, like it's candy is relationship with food. I feel like that's like a big common buzzword relationship, food, this, relationship with food, that, and so how would you define relationship with food or how would you describe that to someone? And what would be like the? Maybe a pillar or two of like what, what it looks like to have a healthy relationship, and so on the other side, like what is an unhealthy relationship with food?
Speaker 1:look like so the way I compare it is think of your relationship with food is similar to a relationship with a person. There are times that may ebb and flow. It's not crystal clear, it's not clean cut, and there can sometimes be baggage. And when there is baggage, we need to have, sometimes, boundaries. We need to have more boundaries, less boundaries. As you heal through that relationship and things get better, you can bring walls down. It's so much like a relationship with a person.
Speaker 1:It's not even funny, um, the way that I think about it, though, cause some of these things are harder to define, right? Um, but I would say, when it comes to a relationship, like, if I were to say, how would you, how would someone define a relationship with a person? Well, it's how you act around them, your thoughts around them, your beliefs around them, the emotional side of things, like, there's a lot of facets. So when I teach someone how to fix their relationship with food I actually just did a podcast on this yesterday we have to think about our words, we have to think about our meanings, we have to think about our beliefs, we have to think about our actions, definitions that you give to those foods, right? Well, because if you think about it, whatever it is. If I have the right words I use around, let's say food, if I have the right beliefs around food I forgot that one. Words, beliefs, meanings, emotions in a similar camp, then actions. If those are all good, you're going to have a fantastic relationship with food. And if I have someone that I'm working with who has a poor relationship with food, I got to figure out which it is, because they all also intertwine, because if your words it's like the old saying goes, if you lie to yourself long enough, you'll eventually believe it. And our words dictate a lot of the meanings and emotions we have.
Speaker 1:My wife is the greatest human ever, but and I I either call her Shelby or baby. Those are the two words I like hey, baby, will you get me this? Or hey, shelby, whatever, if I don't change anything about our life. But I just use the word bitch instead. It's just a word, just a label. Instead of saying hey, yesterday I said hey, hey, shelby, will you hand me a diet Pepsi out of the fridge? No issues there. But if I said, hey, bitch, will you hand me the diet Pepsi on the fridge, okay, it's quite a bit different, right, because now it's going to change the.
Speaker 1:It's not just the words, but it's going to change the meaning in the emotions and we act subconsciously on our emotions, so they all trickle down to each other. But when I'm looking at someone's relationship with food, I'm looking at what words are they using, I'm looking at what beliefs they have. Like if you actually think you look at bread and store fat. Like, imagine if I said I look at you and I just hate my life, we're going to have issues in our relationship, right, if I like I think of it this way. If someone were to look at their a person, imagine if you talk to another person, like you talk about food, you're the cause of all my anxiety. I can't control myself. When I'm around you, I'm either all in or all out with you. You caused me so much grief and once I start I can't stop and you literally only cause hell in my life.
Speaker 1:That's a lot to unpack if that was a person, but if it's with food, it's literally the same thing. So we have to go through the list. What are the words you're using, what are your beliefs around the thing, what are your meanings and associations and emotions with the thing? And the biggest one that dictates all of it are your actions. Yeah, I can, I can have the. I can say all the right things, I can believe all the right things, but if I avoid bread like the plague, I will have a bad relationship with bread, as corny as that sounds.
Speaker 1:Um, but because we, because of what we've learned from childhood, a lot of times we have subconscious actions around food. A lot of people were brought in the like the clean, the plate club or the once I start I can't stop. Or oh, these foods are only treats. So a lot of people have what's called subconscious restriction. People say all the time Jared, I literally don't. I listened to every word. You say I don't believe any food's bad, but I still can't quit binging. I go. How often do you have the cookie then? And they go oh, I don't, cause there's a subconscious restriction is because somewhere deep in your head is, you still believe cookies are only meant for for the weekends and you wonder why you eat the whole sleeve of Oreos. So this is why we have to approach it a little bit differently, not just from the conscious side, but from the subconscious side as well.
Speaker 2:So that is exactly where I wanted this to go and I'm so stoked.
Speaker 2:I'm so stoked that you ended right there because that is one of the next few things that I feel like ends up becoming a roadblock on a lot of people's journey, especially clients that I've worked with, that I've like, especially looking back like three to five years ago on the people that I feel like I let down because I wasn't in the place on my journey of coaching, to help them at this level, which is the inner work, it's the inner game, it's the subconscious programming that we get from our childhood and correct me if I'm wrong, but I feel like that's really where the most biggest transformative actions take place is really reprogramming that subconscious mind. And one thing, one topic that I've heard you talk about that I've always been curious to know how you approach is like the inner work and that inner child, or being able to approach and work on that inner child. And so I want to know like what does that actually look like? What is the subconscious reprogramming, that inner child work really look like, and how would you, how do you approach that with clients?
Speaker 1:There's a lot, this is a, this is there's a lot and there's. We kind of I would separate these a little bit Cause, yes, part of inner child work with this stuff is subconscious work, but a lot of subconscious work is, um, is is a pattern thing. So when it comes to subconscious stuff, that's, it's quite literally that it's subconscious. You are not aware you're doing it, um and so for most people, they don't understand that the mind gravitates to. It's like. It's proven by psychology the mind and our nervous system gravitate to what's most familiar.
Speaker 1:So what you've been doing for the longest time, but I always talk about, like to simplify inner work for most people is two parts it's new information and really uncomfortable action that goes in opposition of your old conditioning, as in, for example, let's say, if it's with food, let's say you were brought up and you always feel that chocolate is bad. Chocolate's bad. It's a treat. We don't have it often and it stores fat and I'm uncontrolled around chocolate. Okay, we need to have a new belief and new information around. Okay, here's why chocolate's not bad. Here's why you can have it in moderation. Here's why it's not a treat. It's you can literally have it as many times in the week as you want, but then the hardest part is the uncomfortable action, going against the old conditioning. It's the same reason why information isn't enough.
Speaker 1:If someone's scared to heights, I can give you all the logistics why jumping out of a plane is going to be perfectly safe. You know it's all the things, but it doesn't matter. Your brain views it as I'm going to die. So that's the thing people don't understand is, when it comes to a lot of this work, your brain is just about self-preservation. It's not about happiness. Your brain doesn't care about your results. Your brain doesn't care If you're happy. Your brain doesn't want you to die. It's like the lizard brain. It's the old, more evolutionary side of you. That's like I don't care about anything else but self-preservation. Well, the problem is it will keep you in a reality that you don't like, because it feels familiar. It's why people go back to old, shitty relationships. It's why homeless people who find a million dollars go back to being homeless. It's why most people gain their weight back. It's it's because we gravitate to what's most familiar, because the brain and nervous system feel like it's safest, because it knows what to predict and all these things. So, with subconscious work, it's new information around the truth, the truth behind the stuff that most people were brought up incorrectly with.
Speaker 1:But then the second part is the uncomfortable action, cause we can't just stay in thinking the same shit without changing action, expect to move forward. So let's say, with food, that would be like I have a client right now. She is scared shitless of chocolate. Then her biggest reason for working with me is to fix her relationship with food. I literally have it in her program to seven days a week she eats a hundred calories of chocolate Because it's terrifying for her, but because we have to get the brain acclimated to a new reality. But this goes against the old conditioning. She would much rather eat 800 calories a day, work out every day, than me eat literally 100 calories of chocolate every day. But that's what it's going to take for her, because it's not just new information. Here's why chocolate's not bad, but it's uncomfortable action in opposition of the old conditioning.
Speaker 1:We can only find what we enable. If we enable restriction, we find restriction. You cannot find freedom and enable chaos. We only find what we enable. So we have to ask ourselves what actions am I enabling? Or what am I enabling in my actions? And that's why I'm finding the same shitty results. So the inner child part, though, is because there's there's so many levels of subconscious stuff. The inner child stuff is, um, you can actually do what it's called inner child work and go in and like, basically give yourself the permission and talk to your inner child as if they were in the room with you. So a lot of times, this is where people get really kooky. They're like I don't know what you're smoking, jared, but this is kind of weird. Can I pause you for a moment? Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 2:Just because I want to touch on one thing with the subconscious and the with the subconscious side of things, it's just to kind of summarize what you said which was really resonated with me. It was like essentially and you can tell me if I'm wrong here, but essentially it's like find the scariest thing which is like maybe like that, your fear is chocolate. It's like I'm afraid that when I eat it I'm just going to go binge on a shit ton of it, or that's the one thing that I. It's been programmed in my mind to be evil like the devil, right. But if you focus on including that and improve the fact that I can still move towards my you know, light, move towards my goal, while still including that, it's going to help heal that relationship. Or is there more to go along with that subconscious programming, along with?
Speaker 1:that it's, it's, it's, it's both Um, the the way that I like to word it is. Well, I can't take credit for this. Actually it's ironically, it's in this book, right here. Um Dr Joe Dispenza talks about, when it comes to subconscious work, is you have to become consciously aware of your subconscious self.
Speaker 1:Okay, you cannot escape a jail you don't know you're trapped in. So, because the problem with things being subconscious is you're not aware they're there, right, when I say subconscious restriction, you don't realize you're restricting. If I say I subconsciously get my volume up and I start talking really loud. I wasn't aware of that. Right, you can't fix what you aren't aware of, because here's the thing. That, right, you can't fix what you are you aren't aware of, because here's the thing Most people don't realize.
Speaker 1:Most people think they are the problem. It's not true. Your patterns the problem. Because I think it's Tony Robbins that says that where, if you think you're the problem, you'll never fix it, because your brain won't let you self-destruct. Because if we, if you're the problem and we get rid is the problem, let's fix the pattern. Your subconscious is the problem. Let's fix that, because that also takes away guilt, that also takes away shame, that also takes away what's wrong with me. It's like no, you're good. It's this pattern that you learned when you were six in defenseless and that someone else put in you and that you were just doing the best you did as a child and that's why you started binge eating or you thought chocolate was bad, and you've just been wearing the equivalent of six-year-old clothes your whole life. Take off the clothes, you're fine.
Speaker 2:That's gonna be a dope clip, yeah that was amazing and, and just so you guys know, this is exactly why I wanted to run the podcast, um, and and you are absolutely silly not to have a notepad out taking notes right now, because I know so many of you struggle with these things that's subconscious programming, you struggle with having these relationships with food, and this next part is what I'm really excited to dive into as well, because this is something that I really want to be able to integrate into my coaching as well, which is the inner work, that inner child work, and so just to kind of go back into that, like what does that look like? Or what are the the main um ideas and things that people you find that struggle with inner work, and like how, how do you approach that in general?
Speaker 1:So cause there's there's lots of inner work, but but you're wanting to talk about specifically inner child work.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because the biggest thing I've noticed is that number one people are again, it's subconscious, in a way of like unaware of like where these these bad relationships come from, or why every time the cookies on the counter they have to go crush the entire thing. They can't just go grab one, move on with their day and continue doing what they were doing. It's like I feel like a lot of that oftentimes is rooting from like, maybe scarcity of it in their household, or you're afraid that their brother is going to go eat all of them, so they need to go eat them all before someone else does.
Speaker 1:Yeah, um, these are really common scenarios. I'll have someone do inner child work. Now, here's the thing. This is, this is, um, when, when I'm having a uh doing, having a client do inner child work, I'm not unpacking this with them. If someone needs this to be unpacked with them, that's more of the role of a therapist, um, but there, but I work with a lot of therapists. I love a lot of people with clinical psych degrees coming into my program and things like that.
Speaker 1:And the thing is with all of this is there's an old saying is to heal the man, you must heal the little boy, to heal the woman, you must heal the little girl. And whether anyone wants to admit it or not, we all have an inner child in us, or, to be honest, a lot of us may have several inner children. This is called parts work. You have different parts of you or versions of yourself, and so for me, I'm actually doing a lot of really heavy inner child work in therapy right now myself with some other stuff not related to fitness or food at all. But there's a very hurt 13-year-old Jared, I actually have a picture of the exact version of myself. So my therapist is actually doing guided meditations with me. It's I literally feel like I'm tripping on something, like I feel like when I like I'm on Mars, when she has me doing these, but she's facilitating them, where I'm actually in my head, having a conversation with the equivalent of 13 year old Jared, and it is healing. It is heavy, it is a lot. So you can do, in a weird way, the same similar, a very similar approach to with yourself. So, cause, at the end of the day, the way that I preface it with people, cause we don't want this to be overwhelming, it's heavy, it's awkward, it's weird, so we want to make this really tactical. And the way I start with people is I go cool Whenever someone's saying like, let's say let's, let's take the uh, the big brother thing, where it's like, hey, I can't eat unless I have to smash my food really fast and eat all of it, cause I may not get anymore, because my, I live with four other older brothers and they eat all the food.
Speaker 1:Okay, cool, um, are you living with him right now? Well, no, you're an adult, you're. You're. You're when I was probably six, where I would eat, or when I would have to eat all the food in sight because my brothers would eat it all and I wouldn't have enough and I'd be hungry. I'd be like cool. So we need to take the judgment away from being uncontrolled, because that was a six-year-old surviving. It's why we don't get too upset when children throw temper tantrums because they're two. It's what two-year-olds do. They throw temper tantrums because they don't know how to regulate, so we can't. This is my problem.
Speaker 1:When it's like people are like no, I'm not this weak piece of shit Did it. I'm better than this. And it's like okay, there's time for the ambitious side. But there's no. Your old self is probably 13. That needs some fucking love. That needs to be seen. That needs to be validated. That needs to be told Everything's going to be okay.
Speaker 1:Like when I'm literally doing the inner child work with my therapist, like the one thing she's helped me with is I got to bring a lot of love and grace to this because I want to like I originally wanted to be like I'm better than this. Stop the old self. Better than actually there's a 13 year old that just needs loved on. That didn't get what he needed. So but here's the cool thing in psychology you can give them what they needed. It's what they call reparenting, where you can be the parent you didn't have. You can be, give yourself the permission, the validation, the support, the whatever that you did not get when you needed it. And that's where this gets really powerful. So, the way that I start to help people with this, I go cool.
Speaker 1:If I could, let's just say I could pull some magic right now and I could put you in the same room with that version of yourself, would you have words? And every person goes well, fuck, absolutely, I go. Okay, you can actually do it. Because, like, if you said, jared, I want to put you in the same room, a room just like this, this with the 13 year old version of yourself, would you? Would you have some stuff to say? I'd be like, yeah, I, I would. I have some stuff to talk to that little kid about. And I, so it's like cool, what do you think you'd say? And you need to have those conversations.
Speaker 1:Um, now, there's a few ways I like to prompt it. Um, cause I don't want to prompt it too much, but like, for example, with a person, let's say, with this, the, with the, the brothers eating all the food stuff, is what would you tell her? Let's just say it's her right now and say, well, she doesn't. Well, you're an adult, so you don't have to do that anymore. Oh, okay, so you're releasing her of her duties. And then also I like to go through this I like to, number one, thank them for keeping you alive.
Speaker 1:We need to start this with gratitude, because whatever bad behavior you're struggling with, it started because of a good intention. You were just fucking six and I have a really good story at the end of this specific part that I think will wrap will, will really tie a knot on this. Well, um, you were trying to survive, doing the best that you could as a six, seven, eight, 13, whatever year old. So you need to thank them. Hey, you did the best you could. It's like when a four-year-old brings you an ugly ass drawing that they worked really hard on. They're four, it's going to be ugly, but they did their best and you should be grateful for it. Thank them.
Speaker 1:Number two release them of their duties. Hey, look, I want I appreciate for what you did. Thank you for keeping us safe and alive with the best that you could. I'm so proud of you. It's you're literally put it, put close your eyes and think about. You're literally talking to a six year old and then thank you for keeping us alive.
Speaker 1:I want to let you know you are officially relieved of your duties. I'm a big boy Now. I'm a big girl Now. You'd be so proud of where we're at. You wouldn't believe where things are at right now. And I want to let you know I've got it from here. You don't have to, you do not have to protect me anymore.
Speaker 1:Most people get emotional right around here. That means you're healing, that means some breakthroughs happening, and then, if there's anything left in there, say it as in like hey, I know, mom and dad were crazy. I, I'm sorry. It was not fair what they did to you. It was not fair. You felt this way. It was not fair. They treated you this way and almost thinking of it.
Speaker 1:Thinking of it like what do they need right now? That's something my therapist talks about me with with the inner child work. She goes what's he need right now, what's he need to hear? And I was in the middle of this heavy inner child session like eyes closed, tears streaming, and I'm like on Mars with my 13 year old self. And in my case specifically, she goes what's he need to hear and I go that it's all gonna be okay. That was all I needed to hear. So I, in my head, was able to tell that to my 13 year old self and it did something or whatever it is, and you and you can go back and do this work over and over again and and things like that. But like that's kind of the order of operations is thank them for keeping you alive, relieve them of their duties and whatever else you want to say.
Speaker 1:If you could put them in the same room and then do that periodically, especially when triggered, especially when these things come up, um, and that's kind of where I like to start. So, but a lot of times I'll have someone do it in a journal fashion. A lot of times it's a lot to sit and visualize and all this stuff. So I I started with an inner child letter. Write the letter. If you could write it to your inner child, hey, thank you for keeping us alive, excuse me, um, relieving the other duties, whatever she wants to say, put it in a letter and don't. And you can just throw the letter away. You don't have to do anything with it.
Speaker 2:So, yeah, or, or, or, even you could take that letter and every time something or cause obviously it's not going to be one and done. I wrote the letter, I forgave him, I gave him the love and it's like oh, I'm fricking great and healed Right. I'm sure there's going to be moments still over time. Uh, as time goes on, we're like, oh, this, this is keeps coming up again, and so would that be a good time to hike, have that folded up somewhere safe where you go and read it again to kind of like re re ignite that passion you have for that 13 year old boy or girl.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean you could. I think it'd be a good time to do another one, cause it's like um, because you're a higher level version now coming to it. Okay, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2:It's like it's it's newfound perspective, maybe what that kid needs in that moment that you're a 13 year old, I mean our perspective shifts.
Speaker 1:watching a movie twice in a row, that's so true.
Speaker 2:You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:Let alone like you do it again. It's like there's this might be this other thing that came now, cause every time you do this, you're raising your personal vibration, you're raising your awareness. Um, like I'll, I'll cross the board. So there's going to be things that you that you didn't think about, or things that you would word at word differently. It's just like if we watch a, uh, if you and I, as like 30 year olds, watch a movie from when we were a kid, we didn't see all the sexual innuendos. We're just like, oh, that wait, I never thought about the Rugrats doctor name being lip shits. That's fucking weird. Like I didn't see that as a kid, but we're adults now, so we know. Like, oh, that's a kind of an innuendo. It's the same thing. Here is when you're you're a lower level version of you, when going to see things from a different perspective. So amazing.
Speaker 2:I'm still.
Speaker 2:I'm still like, uh, absorbing all that information Cause, like, literally, this is this is one of the main reasons I wanted to go down this rabbit hole is because I feel like this is one of the skills that I have not fully grasped yet, that I really want to fully understand and be able to eventually teach and help my clients with, because, um, I do have a handful that are in in a similar position where, like, no matter, you know how well we're doing with our numbers, in a sense, right there, there's always something that is subconsciously holding them back and or a trigger that happens that sets them off, and I think that that's the only way to truly gain the successful power, to get on the successful path and to stay on it forever is to be aware of those subconscious behaviors, be aware of that relationship you have with the sleeve of cookies, right?
Speaker 2:And so I think the one other thing that I think has really been impactful that I've listened to on your podcast and I think, again, you're just an amazing communicator around is a self-sabotage and I think, the sabotage side of things of like this reoccurring thing where you know, maybe it's a month in. Of like this reoccurring thing where, you know, maybe it's a month in or maybe it's three months in, clients just have this automatic trigger of like I got to stop this or or I'm going to go sabotage it. And so I kind of want to dive into a little bit of that self-sabotage side of things and like a couple of like the main triggers that you find, or what is the biggest cause of self-sabotage and what is a healthy approach to overcoming or preventing that self-sabotage from happening over and over and over.
Speaker 1:I really think sabotage is a two-part thing. It's identity and patterns, because half the reason we sabotage is because it's in alignment with who we think we are. As in, if you have an identity of I'm not good enough, or I'm too far gone, or I'm too old, or I've always been this way, well, now you're getting results that go in opposition of that identity. So it's no wonder you fall off. Right, if my identity is I'm a binger, now I don't just binge, I'm a binger. That's a noun, that's not a verb. I'm a binger. Well, I go three weeks without binge eating. The brain's all about self-preservation, right? So now that identity is threatened, so I find a reason to binge. Or one of the big ones is how many times has someone said I'm not consistent? They get consistent for a month. Well, something has to happen. Now you have to sabotage it, because the identity of I'm not consistent is threatened.
Speaker 1:And there's an interesting relationship between your identity and subconscious mind. It's like a mother bear. It guards it. So if your identity is threatened, your mother, your, your subconscious does whatever it needs to do to bring it back to its where it's setting. Think of, think of your identity like the thermostat on the wall. So let's say, if my house is set at 70 and I leave the door open on a sunny day, the room he's up to 80. The thermostat notices the fluctuation, turns on, cools the room back off to its regulated temperature that it's set at.
Speaker 1:So if your temperature is your self-image, your story, your beliefs about yourself, who you think you are, your identity of, I'm not good enough. I'm a dieter, I've always struggled, I'm too far gone, whatever it may be, and you get great results, it doesn't matter. It's why something always happens and cools the room back off to where you're set. That's why most people gain weight back to where they started exactly and it's interesting.
Speaker 1:So that's the first part is, if you sabotage a lot, we need to look at your identity, because you know I could give you all the strategies ever, but if you don't change the foundation of who you are and the beliefs you have about yourself, it doesn't matter what strategies and tactics I show you. So we need to make sure and we can go on an identity rabbit hole if you want, but that's the first step, is the first part is identity. Um, because our actions subconsciously aligned with who we think we are, because we have 90, 85,. 90% of our day is the is subconscious. You're on autopilot all the time, so what's our autopilot to? In alignment with it is who you think you are, so that's why we need to check that first.
Speaker 2:So with identity. One thing that I've picked up on is, like, with my in-person clients, I can pick up on this language, like really quickly, of like they say I'm this way, like whoa are you? You're putting a label on yourself Like, stop that, we got it, we got to shift that. We got to say no, I can do this, or I'm not that person anymore. You know, and you got to say it out loud.
Speaker 2:I feel like, and so, when it comes to the identity work of like I'm not around my online clients that much and in person, right, and so like I don't know the conversations they're having with themselves or with their family or with their friends, and so how, how would you help them even be aware of their own habits and patterns when it comes to identity work? Because I feel like that's a, that's a challenge for me, at least in this position I'm in right now where, like, I have like a fraction of my business in person, which those people, um, this I can pick up on quickly, but for the online it's a little bit harder because I'm not having those specific conversations as much.
Speaker 1:Sure, I mean, but even with your in-person clients, you're not with them every day, every other, or?
Speaker 2:every second of the day.
Speaker 1:Let's say they have a session with you every day, which probably isn't even the case. There's the other 23 hours of the day. You're not with them, absolutely. So it's number one tell them like hey, you're going to think like this, hey, this is what's going to happen. So giving them the information and the tactics, but also correct it when it does happen. The reason in in-person training it's so easy is because you're right there, so when it comes up you can go hang on. But it's the same. But online there's still a level of communication, a check-in, whether it be a phone call or a text message or an email, any level of communication. You got to flag it.
Speaker 1:I had a client the other day. She said something about I'm doing great at incorporating junk foods into my diet. Like you said, I go pause. She used the word junk food, so that tells me her labels around food are off. So we had. So I responded to her about why we got to be careful with our labels, right? So, because it was a, she was communicating. So it's any time that client communicates is. You just got to be aware of it. Whether it be in person, phone call, zoom call, check in, text message, email, doesn't matter.
Speaker 2:So okay, and so of course, we can be the person to facilitate that like awareness and and point it out. How do you help them become aware of like their own pattern, of that of, say, like obviously in the first phase probably a little more hands-on, a little more like, hey, you know, call them out on it. But I'm sure as they get towards like that middle and the end phase, like they go through the boring fat loss I believe is phase two, and then they go into like the lifestyle mastery side of things, how do they prevent themselves from going back into those cycles and those loops in that final phase?
Speaker 1:So this is the, this is the the. The other part, when I said sabotage is identity and patterns, this is when we have to do the pattern work, because the thing is the cool thing, the dope thing with sabotage is it has a breadcrumb trail because every I actually just did this with a new client on a, on a call the other day. Where she goes I'm, I need help with this part, cause she, I have, I have some coursework that I have clients go through with some of this stuff to help reinforce things but she wasn't fully understanding it. So we had a call and talked about it, but I but the way I worded is sabotage is completely pattern driven. So the cool thing is it's, it's proven, what you do, right, it's not random, it's very you've done the same thing.
Speaker 1:So I would say number one is we need to get aware of the pattern. So I'll ask the person I go cool, the last 10 years you've tried to lose weight. You probably sabotaged in the same five or 10 ways. What are they? Again, you can't escape a jail, you don't know, you're trapped in. So we have to become aware of our subconscious self. So what are the patterns that always happen? Because, again, if, if, if we can, if we know what's coming, we can anticipate and stop it. So what always happens is that you do well for a bit, but something about like 17 days in, you want to quit is that you do good until you lose motivation. Then you quit showing up as you do good, but then you have kids and the husband and work and school. Then you quit prioritizing yourself and then you start to fall off. Then you just go from tracking to like rounding and then to fuck it. What is it? Everyone's different. This is the thing is there's a million ways people sabotage, but we need to get clear on well, what's your pattern, what's your common denominator of the, the, the, the things that always happen. So that's step one. Get aware, aware of it, write them down, because now you can go. Oh, these are the top 10 things I do. The last five years I've tried to lose weight. This is the 10 ways I've sabotaged. Cool, the top ones, because it happens the same, the same way, for most people. Number two we need to do what I call play the. If this, then what game? If this happens, number one, then what are you going to do? Write the plan.
Speaker 1:The worst thing someone can do is they wait till they're in the middle of sabotaging, just decide what to do. It's the same reason, like an analogy I like to use is why most parents have the sex, drugs and peer pressure conversation with their kids before they need to, so they can anticipate, prepare and anticipate. So when the day comes they're ready. You don't want your kid like should I have these drugs? Should I go in the back of the car with this boy? Should I do? No, you don't want them to be in that moment then deciding because emotions are all over the place. Peer pressure is a thing, but you probably most people listening to have kids probably have the conversation around the dangers of like sex, drugs and peer pressure before they go into middle school, before these things happen. So when, when they do, because they know they're going to happen, the kid is ready and armed and can implement the strategy that the parents gave or gave them. Same thing here.
Speaker 1:So step one was get aware of your patterns. What happens? These are the top five to 10. Number two if this, then what go through each one? If this happens, I lose motivation. I don't want to show up. Then what am I going to do? What would you do? And then fill in the blank. If this happens, I step on the scale and I want to quit. Then what are you going to do? Not quit, because that's not who we are anymore, right? Whatever it is, go through the list and give yourself actual tactical information. When each of these happens in coaching people like you and me, do it for the client, like we'll walk them through, like cool. Here's what I want you to do when this happens. And then so that's step one, step two. Step three is now. We anticipate. Sabotage always comes back around.
Speaker 1:I always tell people, it doesn't matter, because you know big coach jared's here or coach tyler's here, it doesn't matter that sabotage is always going to come back around, because it's a pattern. The only way to stop a pattern is get on the outside of it and break the pattern. So this is when we anticipate it when it's coming. First of all, this gives you so much power and it makes it so much easier. You, you know you're not the problem anymore. You also see it coming and so, and you have a plan ready. You're just waiting for this thing to come through the door. So you already are going to be so much more successful than the final part. Fight. It's here.
Speaker 1:I always view it like I never actually saw the movie, but I know the premise of it. Like the purge you've seen the purge movies. No, you know the premise of the purge. Yeah, okay. So like, like murder, like all crime is legal for 24 hours. No one like goes oh, the purges tonight. Well, that sucks.
Speaker 1:Everyone boards their house and they know it's coming. They know the date it's coming, they know what's going to happen and they know what's going to happen if they don't prepare, and so they prepare accordingly. Before it happens, they go back to normal life. Sabotage is the same way. Sabotage is is all right, this is coming. I never prioritize myself. I lose my motivation when I start to get bored, or whatever it may be. You create the plan If this happens. Here's what I'm going to do. If this happens, here's what I'm going to do. If this happens, here's what I'm going to do. I know it's going to come. I can feel you're going to be so much more successful and if you aren't, you just get back on track. But this way you are almost on the offense of sabotage. It is not random. It is not um, oh, I'm not meant to be successful with this. It's no. It's literally a pattern of how your brain operates and how your patterns operate.
Speaker 2:So this is how we have to go through it, jared. It's a lot. You blow me away, dude. I'm dead serious, like I. I'm not kidding you. I'm going to listen back to this myself, probably about five times to really absorb and really really grasp these things. And, um, I can't thank you enough because I want you to know that this right here, this conversation that we just had, uh are still having, but I genuinely think that these are the things that I have been needing to work on myself, with my clients and my abilities as a coach, and it's no wonder that not only you and your clients are so successful because of these conversations, these foundations that you set up and help them work through. And, uh, that's honestly why I look up to you so much as a coach and this isn't me just trying to fluff you up, or nothing but.
Speaker 2:I genuinely mean that man.
Speaker 2:I think I've always been someone who's really taken a lot of pride in trying to invest in mentors and get surrounded and get in the right rooms with the right people, and I'm so thankful that our paths have crossed and I want to thank you so much for having me come in your home. Man and you know, being an amazing host is everything and, I think, one thing that I've also seen lately. I also know that one of the biggest things that you have going on is like you have some more transitions. You have a bunch of things going on with your business and I'm not sure how much or what you are willing to to share at this point in time, but I'm curious, like, what is next for Jared?
Speaker 2:I know you've been doing this for a long time. I know you've worked with literally thousands of people. I know you are the definition of growth minded. You. You literally all these books behind you. You're in multiple different mentorships, you're always learning and, uh, that's something I really look up to as well. And so, like what, what is next? Like what is this next? You know what, what? I know you're continuing to coach, obviously, but like what is what is this evolution looking like right now in terms of what you're doing. I appreciate that. When's this airing Um?
Speaker 1:two, three weeks. So, uh, okay, well, that's why, because, because, um, the next big thing is actually is probably about the time this is going to be airing. Um, I'll be opening up my coaching, my, I have a very special coaching group I'm going to be doing because, recently, for the past, I've been coaching for like 12 years. It's been a really long time I've been an online coaching before. It was cool to be an online coach, right, I built, like even before that, before that I this in-person training business, all the things. I've never not been a coaching teacher, like I'm just, it's never, not even before coaching, I was still a teacher with other things, right.
Speaker 1:So, um is is I've just, I've changed directions of the business, like we've talked about um, instead of scaling one-on-one coaching for the way that I see it isn't accessible to everyone, right, whether it be one price points, whether it be also just like at scale, like there's only one body, there's only one Jared, right, there's just a level of people and I don't want to only be able to help, like in a small group of people. So I'm still going to be taking on like my personal roster of, like VIP clients, but I want to make this concept of dieting from the inside out more accessible to the masses, because I think this is truly where the change happens and I feel like one of my gifts is being able to teach like this. It's why I love podcasts, it's why I love hosting webinars and workshops and speaking and things like that, and I feel like that's where I have a lot of untapped power. So I'm going to actually be opening up, uh, for the first time ever, uh, my coaching group. It's called the dieting from the inside out, collective and and, uh, and it's basically like uh, I'm making it where it's, uh, where it's still an investment, but it's. It's much more affordable than one-on-one coaching for most people, um, and it's, but it's accessible directly to me and my team.
Speaker 1:Um, and I've got basically going to have it where people can access all these frameworks. Like, I need that sabotage thing, but I don't know what to do. Well, here it is. Uh, I need that binge eating thing, but I don't know what to do, here it is. But then they also have access to myself. Um, in the rest of the collective members that are going to be a higher caliber individuals, um, but they're all getting led by me, but that's going to be opening it up in like three weeks, so talk about the probably going to be the most powerful and impactful community that I know in.
Speaker 2:I know of in the entire fitness community, so that's fucking amazing. I appreciate that.
Speaker 1:Uh, I'm also in the middle of writing my book right now. Um, I signed with a publisher, so I'm right in the middle of writing the dieting from the inside out book. People ask me all the time. They're like, hey, where can I study this stuff to learn about? And I go, I don't know of a book, so I'll just write one. So I'm in the middle of writing the dieting from the inside out book. It's not secured right yet, but I'm. Word on the street is I'm, I'm. I haven't secured it yet at the time of recording this, but I'm like it's right there. Um, and then, yeah, a lot of it. I do, I don't even know. There's just so many things going on and I used to be in a place where I had to know everything. But that's me trying to take the known to the unknown. But I'm, part of me is just like we're just going to be here for what is I know is it's gonna be dope.
Speaker 2:So, yeah, dude, that is so cool, bro, okay so I think, uh, I'm glad I got you on now before you're mega famous with your ted talk, but uh, when you're back around with your book tour, uh, we'll have you back on.
Speaker 1:Let's talk about the book more in depth that sounds freaking exciting.
Speaker 2:I can't wait to read that. Um and one moment I'm going to pull up my question, uh-oh uh-oh, oh wait, you're doing that thing, yeah. So I want to start a little tradition with the Taught Not Told podcast and I want to, at the end of every podcast, ask one question, Uh-oh no pressure. And your answer can be as long or short as you'd like. Okay, but I'm curious if you could only cause it's taught, not told, and instead of telling our clients what to do we like to teach them and help them educate and learn and be able to really, uh, integrate these things that they learn.
Speaker 2:And so my question is is if you could only teach your clients one skill or habit that would have the single greatest impact on their health and quality of life? What would it be?
Speaker 1:Go inward no doubt about it. Go inward. It's the epitome of my entire methodology and mission is you have to diet from the inside out before you diet for real. Everyone knows what to do. Everyone knows they should eat better. They should not eat like an asshole. They should move their body more. They should eat like. Everyone knows what to do. But the problem is everything below the surface. It's literally like buying a house and the walls crack and they keep cracking. So you just keep painting over them and plastering them, but the walls keep cracking. It's the foundation. That's the problem, and it is always go inward.
Speaker 1:Your outside world is just a reflection of your inner state and your inner stuff, whether it be your mindset, your beliefs, your vibration, your childhood, it doesn't matter. Your world, outer world, is a mirror, is a mirror of what's going on internally. Actually, I never told anyone this. That's what this is about. That's why I like this necklace I wear every day. This little like looks like a little black mirror is because it's my personal reminder that if something's going on out here in the outer world with me, I have to go. What's going on on the inside? Is it a belief? Is it a? Is it an energy? Is it a? Is it a uh, something I'm not working through enough in therapy, whatever it may be, is everything outside is a reflection of what's going on on the inside, so we need to look where it actually matters and go inward.
Speaker 2:Jared, I can't tell you how I this may be. I can't tell you how this may be. I won't say impossible. This is probably going to be extremely challenging to top this interview. I'm going to be. I'm going to have a hard time finding some guests that will be able to top this. But, man, I can't thank you enough again, seriously like, for being such an amazing host and having me in your home, also with this cool setup we put together and everything but uh uh, I w.
Speaker 2:I'm sure people after listening to this are going to be like I need to. I need to connect with this guy.
Speaker 1:I need.
Speaker 2:I need. So I have two things, Um. Number one, where can people find you? What is the best way to connect with you? Uh, and also, I need you all to do me a favor go shoot this man a follow whatever platform he has, uh that he talks about, and please send him a message and thank him for for coming on and sharing all this amazing information.
Speaker 1:I appreciate that, man. This is also a testament to you too, because most coaches don't talk about this stuff. They don't want to. Most coaches don't have the desire to teach the stuff themselves. This is stuff no one wants to touch with a 10 foot pole. So the fact that you're literally coming on a camera saying this is what I want to get better at, so I'm getting the best people that I know how to, that's a testament to you and how good of a coach you are. So you guys are in the right hands, like listening to Tyler and um. So for me, uh, if you want to, my show is called dieting from the inside out. Like it's kind of self-explanatory at this point.
Speaker 2:Oh, it's on all platforms and youtube uh, hang out on instagram and tiktok at real jared hamilton, um, and I answer all my dms. So yeah, it'll also be in the description. But, jared, thank you again, bro, I really thank you, man.
Speaker 1:I appreciate this. We'll do this again sometime.
Speaker 2:This is so fucking great 100 appreciate you, love you, dude, love you too.
